I guess it's a super late entry i'm blogging now, like what, 4.31 am in the morning. If u think blogging at this hour is crazy, try learning japanese of the net at this hour -__- But i guess i just couldnt sleeep. My sleeping habit is becoming worst and worst. Had too much nightmares lately, maybe its hindering my mind and body to fall asleep because it's afraid. If only you seen the nightmares i'm having, you too would be afraid to fall asleep, no doubt.
Now what could possibly be on my mind at 4.36am in the morning. *pondering*. I'm thinking bout my guy and how proud i m cos he graduated today , with the whole robe and scroll thingy but too bad i wasnt there to see him graduate, no matter. I'm glad and happy for him.
I'm thinking bout how different we are and how different our goal in life and what we want in each other is different. I guess thinking bout all of these does give a mild stab in my heart, a mild head pain and a mild insecurity. But then again i'm amaze, don't get me wrong, i'm not amaze at my own pain lar, i'm amaze at how different we are,in many aspects but we are still bond together. This might be the love people out there are dying to have, atleast i hope so.
Just look at it, it's easy to be with someone tht is perfect because she/he is everything, your dream guy/girl/whatever, everything that you ever wanted. Is easy because she/he be understanding, so no fights, or she/he be rich, so no money issue, or she/he is loyal, so no cheating, or she/he is caring and sincere enough, so no insecurities. Isnt't it? Tell me i'm wrong and i shoot you from a vantage point. Its so easy to be with someone who fulfill everything that you want, physically, emotionally. But its not so easy being with someone who doesnt fullfill it, who is nothing like you ever wanted, i find that the challenge part.
Why am i amaze? it's how they are able to stay bonded and love each other until now. It's not easy being in this kind of relationship you know, you have no idea how many times i literally wanna kill him myself n kill myself after. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. This are the relationship that i'm proud to admit and have, atleast we know, we are true to each other, we know what each other needs and want are, we are being downright honest, we tackle the issue, not keep it in heart and push it away or even try to change for the other person.
It amaze me to see how , despite of everything i'm still in love and he is still and us staying bonded. I shouldnt worry so much bout the flaw, why arent i perfect for him, or why cant i be more of the girl that he want, No. Infact i should feel lucky and bless that despite whatever i'm , he is still with me , loving me. An unconditional love, to love a person for who they are.
I think that brings a deeper special meaning than saying "I love you cos you are everything that i ever wanted."
I would much rather have "You are nothing that i want, but it's ok, i still love you for who you are."
Gdnight .
