I remembered...

I remembered the 1st time I fell in love. It was a guy from church. I remembered the 1st time I met him, my friend introduced us. We shook hands, had a few talks n shared a few laughter's n before I knew it, it was time to go home. But I remembered that part of smile on my face as I sat on the backseat of my dad's car.

I remembered the next time i met him again. I sorta have this feeling of nervous-ness and anxiety that i could not quiet explain. But no matter, we talked and we exchange phone numbers. We then texts, and the 1st thing i loved about him is his laughter,in text i mean, he would go "WAKAKAKAKAKA" all the time. And i used to think, who the hell laughs like that?? goodness. Lol.



And then later on, i discover, i Loved him. I dunno whether is it love at 1st sight or is it just love. but well, it certainly have made quite a big impact on me cos it was my 1st love and that guy, i used to think he was outta my league, its because i put him on a pedestal, it's because he's a guy with so many good qualities, he exemplified loyalty, integrity, patience, purity, and so much more. I used to think of him as an angel or something ,is because he shines, he shines because of his personality.

Sigh.. well, i remember the part about loving him for at least 1 and the half years. There are times where i wanna just scream out loud that i love you! but i did not. its because i was so afraid.
afraid of rejection i guess. i have been very protective of my heart. But when things became too much, too much for me to handle, i just say it out. i told him I love him. and a week later, he was all mine. =)

But things ended for a reason after several months. It never work out between us and i remembered, how hard was it for me to accept the undeniably truth. I think after a month or so only, i accepted and i can finally start the mourning and grieving process.

well, it took me.. lets see.. A year and a half to finally get over him and finally mend my broken heart. and since then, i was terrify , i was scare of falling in love again. But then again, we cant control who we fall in love with. i try very hard not to fall in love, i did. but it never goes the way i want it to be. There's always gonna be someone there to sweep me off my feet and make me all warm and gentle inside.


and thus, this explain where am i now. the state i am in now. sigh..

well ppl, falling in love may seem scary but i wanna tell you something, believe in love, believe in the wonders, the possibility and the immensity of love. because if that person loves u back, i swear, there is nothing else in the world i would rather have.

I believe in true love. I believe in love at 1st sight. I believe Love conquers all.

No matter how much pain i am in now, how much despair and how much weight and burden im carrying in this fragile heart of mine that seems gonna break and shatter any minute now. I want you to believe that the day u think love is overrated, is the day that you're wrong.

This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world.