To those lost souls..

Yesterday, something did happened. something tht is enough to trigger me emotionally and it brings me down. i just couldnt bear to stay at home today, so i called up A, and decided to go to my 2nd home, starbucks. sigh. i know... we hang out there, was kinda cold due to the weather and alrd i was wearing my boxer shorts and my tank top, basically my sleeping attire. typical me i guess. i was really not in a mood to changed or look nice, so who cares. just wear whatever i have on, and get out of the freaking house.

finally we were at starbucks and the usual, we hang out n chill and we talk. and M called me all of a sudden, asked me where i was. i told him tht we were at starbucks and he said ok, he's coming over. ahhh M.. he's a nice guy. well atleast to me he is. to others.... well, not really cos he's pretty mean and violent in a way. but to us girls, he's nice. and i guess, thts all it matters.
M and A were talking while i just got to dump my problem on someone, so i chose A, not my fren A, but one of the worker at starbucks who happens to be my close fren too.

he such a child sometimes honestly, but in a way, despite his behaviour, he's a very close fren of mine and i appreciate him. im grateful. he helped me, he advice me, and make me see sense. and although i had to admit it, but he;s right. but tht doesnt changed the fact tht im still sad and depress and i just couldnt stop thinking about it. even after A and M went home, i did not want to go home just yet, i wanna stay there because maybe there's something about this place tht really calms me down, or maybe its the company. it soothing until the fact tht i fell asleep at one of the couch there while reading my book. woke up, an hour later, having listening to A tht, a customer was asking, did i run away from home? lol. hilarious. cant ppl sleep in public anymore? well, maybe not. but its startbucks, its like my 2nd home. so who cares right?
hell, i even walk bare footed all over the place, thinking i do own the place.

sigh.. its 1.30 am in the morning, and im still thinking about it. guess, i can never really stop thinking bout it. i said, i was gonna bear with him. and im gonna do it.

to those lost souls who have really forget to believe in the immensity of love, i do feel sorry for u.

despite everything, despite the hell i have been through. always putting ur heart on the line but at the end of the day, dissapointment and hurt is all u get. but it doesnt matter. tht doesnt mean i should give up and run away and lost my hope and faith in it.

You know that romantic notion that all the garbage and the pain is really healing and beautiful and sort of poetic? It's not. It's just garbage and it's pain. You know what's better? Love. The day that you start thinking that love is overrated is the day that you're wrong. The only thing wrong with love and faith and belief is not having it.

someonce once said to me,

The world u desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It's yours.

not my day--

my best friend,N. she decided to come down all the way from bukit bintang to visit me since the last time i saw her was during spm result day. i miss her so therefore, i ask her to come down and we shall hang out, chill and do girl's stuff together.

D, her guy, fetch her all the way from bb to my house. what a sweetheart right? i really thought, we will just be hanging out in my room, didnt thought tht we will be going out. so.... i woke up late of course, and she came barging in to my room and started teasing, "chriss u ass, faster get up,we r going out now". i was like, ???????? .damn, so i got up, quickly put something on and follow her out of the gate, into D's car. as we were on the way to starbucks. lol. i really dun know why, but it has always been starbucks. everything was fine, and normal, making jokes, crap alot, i was cursing mostly because i was seriously not awake yet. and then all of a sudden, D's new PDA was beeping and N took the PDA and found out tht it was a text msg . and she opened it and found out tht this girl has been sending sweet sweet msgs to him, such as calling him darling and such. basically,very lovey-dovey and trust me, there;s something there.

she was shocked, and she asked him, who the hell is tht? he was alrd tense and panic, i noticed.
and he claims tht she is his cousin sister and whatever crap and she;s only like 12.
i mean, wtf. !!!!!!!!!!! how dumb u think N is? clearly he was lying and he was silent all the way to the mall. N was piss off, and she came to the conclusion tht D , is cheating on her.

what has happened throughout the day is private, therefore, i cant spill it all on a public blog. but basically, its not a happy ending. its pretty messy in the end. and tht is enough to ruin my mood. sigh.. seeing N, being hurt and upset. it upsets me too.

and i thought tht was all the drama for today, when i decided to go to the toilet, it so happens, i saw my ex, and his gf there. i was like , shit. shit. shit. i mean , this is the 1st time, i saw the girl he cheated on with me. god. i was like cursing and cursing. its weird seeing him with her. i mean, is not like i care anymore, is not like i want him anymore, but i just cant deny tht, it really disturbed me. my mind was seriously blank and my mood became gloomy. i dun know y. i never expected it to be like this. is not like, i want him tht way. hell no. .
but it did troubled me.

today was not a good day. my mind is troubled, my mood is tense. i felt despair actually. its sad.
i wish to sleep it off. and u know wat, i am going to do tht now. goodnight ppl.

another one

i remembered just a few post back, i wrote about the "guy" tht will propose to me, in my dream of course and i can see,visualize my future with him. apparently all tht feeling is gone now. in a way. the feeling of calm,sweetness,warmth, security,comfort of being with "that" guy has faded.

i always see my life as like a cold/freezing pool of water, and be careful before even trying to dip your feet into it. but apparently, no one listens. sigh.

remembered a few post back, i wrote, this year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for. But in a way, I lost even more?

yes i did. Yeah, losing your heart’s desire is tragic. But gaining your heart’s desire... It’s all you can hope for.

This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic… then give me tragedy. Because, I wouldn’t give it back for the world.

result

oh dear god. result is out and its bad.

but life goes on,. and who cares.

lol. i am tht carefree.

HERVE LEGER. something i just gotta brag about

i have always love HERVE LEGER collection of dresses from BCBG MAX AZRIA. and i love bcbg itself. their style is always unique and gorgeous.

but i gotta say, my up most favourite, hell, it even beat marc jacobs and galliano off the top, it will be herve leger collection . and oh god, his iconic bandage dress is the simply phenomenon.

its amazing and it really caught my attention. of course, dresses like these, are practically like haute couture and the price starts at the very least from $1.5k US DOLLARS. but the dress tht i adore, cost at least $11k at saks 5th avenue. *chuckles* . i know, it cost quite a fortune. but still, the dress is practically iconic. i wouldn;t mind spending.

here are a few examples of herve leger collection bandage dresses, wore by models and celebs.
























simply iconic isn't it? i know. i would agree whole heartedly too. guess, i gotta wait for some time before being able to get this dress. i mean, sure, pushing my dad is all right, but lets not push him off the cliff shall we? i still need him.

but no denying tht its gorgeous.

grave day is approaching.

yes, some would call it a grave day but i only see it like its any other day. no biggie, no big deal.
but yet, yet, people are freak out about it. tantrums, paranoia, anxiety, ect ect.

yes, spm result is coming out. on 12 march.

honestly, seriously, am i the only one in this world tht could care less about it?? im not even thinking about it. why go stress yourself babe? leave it. what is done, its done. no point regretting, how suck u screw up in ur bio paper or how terrible u wrote ur essay for ur english paper. done is done. no point moping, regretting,...

be like me, care free, couldn;t care less, dun give a damn.

i have come a long way now and honestly, there are much more important things than spm results. maybe that is why, im not freaking out like others. or maybe the realisation haven;t kick in yet.

is not that i expect much, but just as long as i really really dun intend to fail. whatever is it, just not fail and hopefully, i can get an acceptable grades tht is approve by my parents.

i think. i think. i might be going out on a date on tht very day too. lol. oh this guy. what am i doing really?? having flings now? open relationship? scandal? that is not who i am. it seems so wrong but yet it feels so good.

however, it is banned by many ppl, both my ex's, my close friends. they were like, no! don't u go have flings, because its stupid, its not safe, its pointless, its not you, bla bla and bla.

and there are some who said, this is who i am all along. having flings is my natural talent. and if i dun honour it, it be such a waste. they said, this is the life im supposed to live all along. its time i live up to it.

but u know what,

"Someone once said; 'It’s the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time. Me… I just wanna live a life I’m gonna remember. Even if I don’t write it down.'"

The ring that always have been and will be

For those who might not know what LUCIDA is. It's the name of one of the range of rings from TIFFANY'S & CO.


you see, they have several types of collection of rings there such as etoile,tiffany's setting, novo,emerald cut and such.


i have been back and forth from the tiffany's store in pavillion. usually, i send my silver for polishing, or i buy something, or refill the ink for my tiffany luxury pen, or watch my aunt splurge on diamonds or platinum items there.



knowing my aunt, she can spend like half a day there in tiffanys store, and it was tht time, i came across the collection of engagement rings. the lady know who i was, cos i've been there like so many times, so she entertained me. telling me the descriptions for all the engagement rings there. i even tried on a few because she insisted, i tried on etoile, novo, tiffany's setting, lucida, and it all sort of carats. the largest carat there was 3 point something. and it's over 300 thousand i think. but i had my fun, admiring it.


my best friend, N, was there too. she was admiring.. well, other stuff. but i can tell she admire the biggest diamond. anything will do as long as its the biggest diamond for her.


but for me, its not. i look for the perfect band, cut, clarity and it doesnt have to be big diamonds more than 4 or 5 carat. just simple one and the right one.

so i stumbled across this range, LUCIDA, it was called. it's perfect. i had it on my finger, and i know tht is the one. it was perfect. the cut, clarity, carat, everything, just blends in, as if, it belongs on my finger all along. excatly 2 carat. it may not be big, but its perfect. no decimal points. exactly, precisely 2 carat.



as below, LUCIDA ENGAGEMENT RING






and here are the rest of the collection. just for the fun of it.


THE TIFFANY SETTING



TIFFANY CLASSIC EMERALD CUT




TIFFANY NOVO




TIFFANY ETOILE




TIFFANY ROUND CHANNEL SETTING








TIFFANY THREE STONE SETTING





TIFFANY LEGACY







it was the same ring in my dream, LUCIDA. the ring tht always have been and will be.